Poor Sevvie!
by SunshineAddict
Summary: Remus, Sirius and Lucius feel the need to refresh their potions skills! With Fred and George in the closet, Harry and Sirius teamed up, & an attack of sudden randomness, will our beloved Sevvie survive? Slash Hints. Co-written with Casiana Joy.


Disclaimer: Damn. I wish we owned all HP stuff. We'd be fucking rich!  
  
Author's Note: We are the Author's. This is a note.  
  
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Poor Sevvie!  
  
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Snape was sitting in his desk, waiting for the Gryffindors and Slytherins to arrive for their Potions class. Dumbledore said this class was going to be 'special', so he was a bit uptight when in walked the Trio, plus all the Weasley kids minus Bill, Charlie, and Percy. Oliver, Draco and his two cronies, Dumbledore (probably to watch over), and even Remus, Sirius, and Lucius, the latter three taking seats with the students, walked in, too.  
  
Snape walked over to Dumbledore and calmly said in a hushed voice, "What the fuck are these three doing here?" meaning Remus, Sirius, and Lucius.  
  
Dumbledore smiled. "They feel their potions skills need to be refreshed." Snape sighed.  
  
"You have GOT to be kidding me."  
  
Dumbledore took a seat in the back as the other students took their usual seat, except Lucius sat next to Draco Crabbe & Goyle, and Remus and Sirius sat on either side of Harry. "Harrumph," complained Hermione and Ron, who sat behind them, with Ginny sitting next to Ron.  
  
Ginny looked shocked at the fact that someone wanted to sit next to her. Meanwhile Sirius and Harry were throwing spitballs at Snape, while Remus was making googly eyes at Pansy.  
  
Fred and George were taking out smuggled potions ingredients and were preparing to make a special potion while the others were making what Snape was to instruct. They were sitting behind Ginny, on the same table Oliver was sitting at. Lucius was speaking to Draco, and the two of them were grinning evilly.  
  
All of a sudden a big boom came from the back of the room. "Mr. Longbott- " Snape started to say, when he realized that Neville wasn't even in the class. The bang had come from Fred, George, and Oliver's cauldron. "I swear, Professor Snape, that I had nothing to do with this! Please believe me!" Oliver whined and the he sat huddled in a corner.  
  
"Twenty points from Gryffindor!" He shouted, and turned to the board. "You will be making-" A huge spitball then smacked the back of his head, and as he turned around, furious, he saw (and heard) Sirius and Harry laughing hysterically, Harry falling out of his seat and Sirius banging on the table. "Forty Points from Gryffindor!" Snape shouted, wiping the crap from his hair.  
  
Snape turned back around when he felt a strange object around his leg. He looked down and saw that a dog was humping his leg. He kicked it as hard as he could, and the dog went flying. "YOU DISQUSTING BASTARD!" he shouted, as the class burst out in laughter. Dumbledore actually fell out of his seat.  
  
Snape turned around and realized Lucius was missing. Then Snape saw the dog turn into Lucius. Snape walked over to Lucius and Draco's table. "Why, Lucius, I never knew how you felt." he said. Lucius got up and jumped on Snape and said, "Oh, Snapey-Wapey-poo!" Snape promptly pushed Lucius off of him and said, "I never said I returned the feeling, POOFTER!"  
  
Draco stared at his father. "Dad, this was supposed to be a joke!" he screamed, and ran out of the room crying like a girl, only to walk in with a grey tinge to his face and muttering 'My dad's gay, My dad's gay...'  
  
Lucius stood up and said, "Attention! I am not gay! I am bisexual!" Everyone was laughing and they could not hear him. To get their attention, Lucius put on a pink tutu, with a sparkly tiara and a glittery wand. He danced over to Snape and sang, "I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie world! Life's fantastic. My boobs are most definitely plastic!"  
  
Snape glared at Lucius with his most evil glare.  
  
Draco was staring stony-faced and he calmly stated, "Okay. My father is bisexual. He likes wearing tutus and tiaras. OH GOD WHAT HAS MOLDY-VOLDIE DONE TO HIM!!"  
  
Remus suddenly stood up. "Snivelus, can I use the cauldron as a toilet?" he asked.  
  
"NO! SIT DOWN AND MAKE THE DAMN POTION!"  
  
Remus was hopping up and down. "But I really have to GO!"  
  
"Then leave the bloody classroom and PEE IN A NORMAL TOILET!!!"  
  
With that comment, Remus ran out of the room and ran into Crabbe and Goyle. The three of them fell onto the floor and about 5 seconds later, you could hear Crabbe and Goyle screaming. The whole class ran out of the classroom to see what was the matter. When the arrived at where Lupin was, they all started screaming. Remus was sitting in the floor in a pile of brown goo and yellow fluid.  
  
"CRABBE AND GOYLE SPILLED THEIR BROWNIES AND LEMONADE ON ME!" cried Remus, and Sirius went over and hugged him.  
  
Remus asked Sirius, "Siri? Why did I come out here?" After that was said, Remus let out a huge fart. It was so huge that students all over the school started falling down. They had passed out from the stench.  
  
A few hours later everyone woke up. Some guy with a gas mask was standing over the group. "Who ate the beans?" he said.  
  
Remus raised his hand slowly. He was crying. Draco got up, and ran over to his father. "Daddy! Help me!" Lucius and Draco hugged and Lucius was stroking Draco's back. "GET OFF ME YOU POOFTER!" Draco screamed at his dad and ran off to find comfort in Seamus.  
  
Everyone stared for another 15 minutes before Dumbledore said, "Let's continue the lesson!" Everyone poofed into chibis and climbed back into their seats (literally; they're short). Snape dragged his feet as he walked, and then told everyone to get the hell back to work.  
  
Snape sat at his desk and started to grade work. He felt something slimy on his head. He reached up and wiped it off. It was another spitball. He looked up to Sirius and Harry who were pretending to be working. he walked over to their table, took their cauldron and poured it over their head. Hermione jumped and said "Oh no, Professor Snape! It was I who spit the spitball!" Snape stared at her, and said, " The Joy of Pepsi!"  
  
Hermione blinked. "Er- Okay..." she said, and then sat down.  
  
Snape coughed and shouted, "HERMIONE! I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU! I WILL DIE IF YOU DO NOT GRANT ME MY ONE TRUE WISH!"  
  
Lucius popped out of nowhere. "Traitor!" he shouted, and then ran away.  
  
Pansy jumped up and said, "Lucius! Wait for me, my love!"  
  
Fred and George had replaced everyone's wand with a fake. When Snape picked it up and waved it at the door to close it, he ended up waving a rubber chicken, which hit him in the face with its foot. He sputtered and threw it down with much difficulty, since the other foot had wrapped around his leg. The class was in uproar again.  
  
Oliver picked up his *wand* and it turned into a....*stick* like object.  
  
Ginny gasped. "DILDO!" she screamed, and ran into the corner for "no apparent reason."  
  
Fred got up and shouted, "I LOVE *ahem* LEATHER!"  
  
George was *coincidentally* wearing leather that day.  
  
Fred looked over to George and stuck a hand over his crotch and ran over to the Potions closet.  
  
George followed.  
  
Hermione ran into the closet. You could soon hear moans.  
  
Snape slammed down his quill, which he was writing with at the time. "DAMN IT, NO SEX IN MY CLASSROOM! NOW GET BACK TO-"  
  
(interruption)  
  
Trelawney had entered the classroom wearing yellow spandex, with a tattoo of Richard Simmons on her right arm showing.  
  
Snape grabbed his real wand and put a cloak over her. However, Snape unfortunately hadn't intended them to be Dumbledore's robes, and he was sitting in his chair, butt naked.  
  
"NAKIE TIME!!!" he shouted, and started to dance.  
  
Ginny came up to Dumbledore and said in a husky voice, "Dummmbly...you're verrrrry seeexy..."  
  
He winked at Ginny and grabbed her arms, dancing with her.  
  
Hermione ran out of the potions closet and she fell into Remus who was still covered in brown goo. Fred and George cam out of the closet..."Attention everyone!" said Fred. "My brother and I would like to declare our love...to Hermione!" "We will duel to see who will get her." said George.  
  
They started to Duel. Snape gave up teaching and began to bang his head against his desk. Everyone was gathering around the twins, cheering them on.  
  
Everyone sat back down at their desks. Sirius said, " Damn, Snape, aren't you gonna teach us somethin?"  
  
Snape stopped banging his head on his desk, but kept his head on the wood. He was shaking. He started to laugh softly (mwahaha), which gradually became louder and louder until he stood up and they saw a maniacal grin plastered on his face. He ran out of the classroom out of the castle, and ran into a tree, where he collapsed. The class just sat there, staring blankly at the wall, for all eternity. 


End file.
